where to start

i'm a writer. there are lots of different types of writers. journalists, screenwriters, copywriters, speechwriters, fiction writers, nonfiction writers, poets ... depending on what kind of writing the writer is doing, they may start at the beginning or just thrust the reader into the story at any given point. well ...

i should probably start at the beginning of my story, but right now i just want to jump right in because my mind is going a million miles a minute, my heart is happy, and my soul is at peace. it wasn't very long ago that i thought getting over such a deep sadness was impossible. and it would have been impossible if i hadn't realized i am in control of nothing. for a person like me to admit that is no small confession.

i was the queen of:

planning
getting upset when something didn't go my way
impatience
having an extreme imbalance in priorities
discipline to accomplish tasks
etc.

so of course i was in the pit. how could i have climbed out by myself? it was a deep, dark hole and the more i tried to get out, the more frustrated i became. how hard do i have to work? how disciplined do i have to be? i'd see others and get pissed off that things happened so easily for them - why? and it was like a double ninja kick for me. i was trying to get pregnant. i was trying to publish one - just one of my three books. then it became just trying to stay pregnant ...

it took the most devastating event of my life to make me truly understand - and keep in mind i'd gone to church since i was little - that i've been on a journey blindfolded, trying to find my own way. although i'm still on this journey for God knows how long, i realize He is with me and He'll show me the way. it will be bumpy. i'll cry - a lot. i will probably fall down - a lot. i'll hurt - physically, emotionally. but i will trust Him and have faith that He knows my true heart and desires.

seems so simple now, but it's not easy to give up control. it takes strength and one gains strength through suffering.

there are many, many things i can't wait to blog about. that's why i'm just jumping into my story. everyday i realize something else i have learned along this journey and i can't wait to share it.

“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." - John 15:7